We had another appointment with Dr. Leung today. She took a look at the baby and said all was looking great baby-wise. Fibroid-wise, not so much. The fibroid was still in a bad spot and growing. It was now 10 x 10 in sizeand was a comfy bed for Zoe. She was suprised that I wasn't in pain at all. She said most of her patients that have fibroids (especially that size) had to go on bed rest because of the severe pain. I actually don't feel anything different, so that's a good thing. She revealed to me that she thinks about me all the time. That out of all her patients, I am the one she's constantly thinking about trying to rack her brain for the best possible course of action. I actually like that she's thinking of me so much -- at least I know she will be 110% prepared for the big day. I know Michael is worried though. He asked her what the complications were again ... she said possible bleeding out, etc." He then asked her "what else?" She looked at him with this look saying "don't make me say it" so I jumped in and said "I may not make it out of the surgery..." Michael looked at me and teared up instantly. I knew he had been thinking it, but to hear it out loud was pretty tough for him. It was pretty tough for me too, but I had come to accept that its a realistic risk when undergoing major surgery. We both have watched enough episodes of Grey's Anatomy to know this ...
While I'm scared, all I can do at this point is to trust, trust, trust in the Lord. I know he put that fibroid there for a reason ... and I know that if it's part of His plan that I don't make it, then I know He will find a way to take care of my family. I'm trying my best to stay positive amongst it all and through constant prayer, I find that it's not such a hard thing to do. I have to focus on my blessings and let go of my fears so that God can lead me to where I need to be ...
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