Merry Christmas!

This was our first Christmas with my family since we've been married ... our first was spent up north with Mike's family ... our second was spend in Singapore with Mike's other family ... and finally, this was the year to spend with mine! I must say the timing was perfect because it would have been difficult to be away from home being soooo pregnant! I was really excited to be able to be with my side of the family -- even JP flew in from NY! However, getting to this Christmas Eve celebration was quite tiring because we were finalizing our move to Tita Bot's place. After tonight, we'd be nomads =) ...

Since it was going to be our first Christmas with my family, my mom asked me and Jay to come up with something special to celebrate. After brainstorming, I came up with the theme of BLESSINGS. Each person was to create a box and put 3 things that symbolized 3 different blessings he/she received that year. We would each take turns opening our "gift" in front of each other and explain what each item represented. I figured it would be a great way to reflect together as a family on all the wonderful gifts God has given us this year. I know I definitely had so much to be thankful for ... it was almost too hard to just pick 3! The 3 I came up with was: 1)My baby -- the fact that I received the gift of motherhood this year was such an overwhelming thing for me. I was honored that God felt I was ready and able to raise a child. I chose the symbol of a baby booty to represent Zoe. 2) My family -- the support that Michael and I have received this year (and every year) has been tremendous. From providing a place to stay while we figured out where we would live, to always assuring us that no matter what happened, we'd be ok. The love from our family has been our major constant in our lives and for that, I will forever be grateful. The symbol I chose for my family was a star (i.e. North Star) 3) My husband -- what would I do without my husband? He is always trying to make sure me and Zoe are taken care of and that our lives will be comfortable. He works hard and is always trying to find new ways to put our family in a good place. I chose a calculator for him -- not because he's good in math, but because he's always trying to find ways to add, subtract or multiply things that would equal a good life. It was so interesting to hear what other people had to say. Even though we all know each other, it was great to be able to see another side of one another and to hear just what that person had been through that particular year. There was a lot of crying ... a lot of laughing ... a lot of beautiful memories. I was so happy our little exercise turned out great and hopefully it can be a tradition that's carried on for a long time!

We then went to mass at the Cathedral and was blessed with another beautiful homily by Father Francis. After mass, back to the house for more food and gift opening. We also had our Secret Santa gift exchange and the funniest thing happened -- Jay, Mike and Jeric all got the same exact Marc Ecko hoodie! It was sooooo funny!

I have to say it was one of the best Christmases we've had in a long time and I know Zoe could feel the love and happiness all around. I can't believe next Christmas we'll have a little girl running around asking to open up presents!!!

"We're Expecting" Homily at the Cathedral!

Our good friend Msgr. Kevin asked Michael and I to do something very special for the Cathedral ... he asked to us to be part of his homily! The gospel reading was about when Mary and Joseph first annouced that they were "expecting" ... he thought what better way to preach about how wonderful it feels to be expecting than to hear it from two people that really were expecting! He wanted us to speak for a few minutes on how we felt when we first found out we were pregnant, how we told our families and what role God will play in our new family. We were so honored and excited (and a little bit nervous) to be able to evangelize for God in this special way ...

We spoke at both the 8 am and 10 am masses and it went really well! A lot of people came up to us afterward to thank us for our pro-life message and to wish little Zoe well! How blessed we are to be able to introduce Zoe to the Cathedral community while still in the womb! We are doubly blessed because we now have the entire Cathedral community praying for us! This will be especially helpful to calm any fears and anxiety we have re the c-section and fibroid. God is truly sooooo good to us!

Here's the videos:

CHANGES!

They say the only thing constant in life is change. Perhaps that has never been more true in our life than this very month ... As we prepare to have a baby in about a month, we are also preparing to move out of our condo and into my aunt and uncle's place. We were planning on staying there indefinitely so that we can have help with the baby and also not have to rush to find a new place. We were sure we weren't going to move back into our condo in Pasadena so we thought staying at my aunt and uncle's downstairs unit was the best option for now. So we've been physically and mentally packing to leave the west side. I've been trying to do what I could given my size but the bulk of the work still fell on Michael ... So that was Plan A ...

Plan B came out of nowhere this week. Michael got offered an amazing opportunity from one of his former clients at KPMG. They actually found him on Facebook since his KPMG info was no longer valid. They offered him the position of corporate controller! At first, Michael turned it down because it was too far (Carpenteria) and he had just started his new job with Singer just 6 months ago. When he initially told me about it, he brushed it off as a good opportunity, but wrong timing. However, they came back 2 more times -- each time "sweetening the deal" a little bit more. It got to the point where I told him we should really consider this opportunity. It was knocking on his door for a reason (a persistent knocker at that) so maybe God wanted us to pursue this path. As we talked more about it, we compromised on perhaps moving to Oxnard or Camarillo so as not to be too far from family and friends and our life in LA. Another good thing about this opportunity was that it would allow me to stay at home with the baby instead of going back to work. I never really let myself think about how great it would be to do that, but after talking with Michael, we came to a conclusion that there was no greater blessing than being able to stay at home with Zoe. I know it sounds funny, but I didn't really jump at the thought of not having to go back to work. I love my job and wasn't sure if I'd be one of those women who after 3 months of maternity leave would be dying to go back to normal "adult stuff" ...but Michael said the sweetest thing to me as we were discussing the possibility of me staying home with the baby ... he said more than anything he wants Zoe to be exactly like me and that he was so happy that she would be able to be raised by me on a daily basis ... how could I say no after that, right? But I still found myself getting pretty emotional during our talks (pregnancy hormones?) because I just felt so overwhelmed by all the changes. Having a baby is already a huge change and we decide to move not once but twice and also throw in all the adjustments that we would need to make in our potential new life. I felt like everything was happening way too fast ... so I prayed .... and I prayed ... and I prayed ... and at the end of my praying, I was at peace. I wanted nothing more than for Michael to have this wonderful opportunity to advance in his career. He's been so wanting to switch to the private sector and the fact that he would be a corporate controller before the age of 30 was just amazing. I didn't want to deny him this experience. I knew that no matter what, we would make it work. We were resilient (sometimes I forget that) and I trusted that God knew what he was doing.

So for now, the plan is still for us to move in with my aunt and uncle. I would stay there from Christmas until a few months after the baby was born. Michael would start his new job in Camarillo and would either commute back and forth to Eagle Rock or stay with his parents in Woodland Hills on the weekdays. Once I was fully healed and ready, me and Zoe would move to Oxnard or Camarillo to be with Michael. We would still go to mass at the Cathedral on Sundays and still be involved in our usual stuff.

I know it sounds like a crazy plan, but we trust God. Who knows were He's really leading our little family ... although I feel like nomads, I find comfort in knowing that the Holy Family were also nomads and they just continued to trust God no matter what ...

More 4D pics

My doctor is thinking of me ...

We had another appointment with Dr. Leung today. She took a look at the baby and said all was looking great baby-wise. Fibroid-wise, not so much. The fibroid was still in a bad spot and growing. It was now 10 x 10 in sizeand was a comfy bed for Zoe. She was suprised that I wasn't in pain at all. She said most of her patients that have fibroids (especially that size) had to go on bed rest because of the severe pain. I actually don't feel anything different, so that's a good thing. She revealed to me that she thinks about me all the time. That out of all her patients, I am the one she's constantly thinking about trying to rack her brain for the best possible course of action. I actually like that she's thinking of me so much -- at least I know she will be 110% prepared for the big day. I know Michael is worried though. He asked her what the complications were again ... she said possible bleeding out, etc." He then asked her "what else?" She looked at him with this look saying "don't make me say it" so I jumped in and said "I may not make it out of the surgery..." Michael looked at me and teared up instantly. I knew he had been thinking it, but to hear it out loud was pretty tough for him. It was pretty tough for me too, but I had come to accept that its a realistic risk when undergoing major surgery. We both have watched enough episodes of Grey's Anatomy to know this ...

While I'm scared, all I can do at this point is to trust, trust, trust in the Lord. I know he put that fibroid there for a reason ... and I know that if it's part of His plan that I don't make it, then I know He will find a way to take care of my family. I'm trying my best to stay positive amongst it all and through constant prayer, I find that it's not such a hard thing to do. I have to focus on my blessings and let go of my fears so that God can lead me to where I need to be ...

Young Awesome Married Couples ... like us =)

Tonight Michael and I attended a very special gathering of young married couples at the Cathedral Residence. After a couple of years of talking about it and trying to form a group, the time has finally come! We met about 8-10 great couples who all had the following things in common with us: 1) We were all married at the cathedral and 2) We all strive to keep God at the center of our marriage. It was really great to hear each of the couples' stories of faith ... it was like NOD but for married folks =). What was extra cool about it was that we were all generally around the same age so it was easy to relate to one another. I think Msgr. Kevin and Fr. Francis could also feel the magic in the room because they couldn't stop gushing about how wonderful it was to finally get a select group together. Michael and I felt honored to have played a part in getting the group formed and we are so excited to see what comes next! For now, we decided to meet every second Sunday of the month and each couple would take turns hosting the evening's discussions! We also are trying to come up with a name ... we suggested Couples Centered in Christ but we'll see what the group ends up choosing!

Truly, it's such a blessing to be part of this new community and to be able to enrich our marriages by learning from one another!!! Everyone tonight was so incredibly awesome and I can't wait to get to know everyone better!!

Baptism class

Tonight Michael and I went to a baptism preparation class at the Cathedral. Msgr. Kevin suggested that we try to go while we're still pregnant since we'll probably have our hands full once the baby arrives. We really enjoyed the class -- Msgr. Kevin did an excellent job teaching us why baptism is truly the most important day of Zoe's life ... it's the day where she will officially be an heiress to His kingdom. The day where she will be granted eternal life! I have to admit I never really thought of it that way and I was super pumped at the end of the class to plan for Zoe's BIG DAY. Michael and I want to go all out -- probably have it around the time of our 3 year wedding anniversary. We also had another blessing that evening: Msgr. Kevin offered to have a PRIVATE baptism at the cathedral for little Zoe!!!! He said they don't do that too often but that he wanted to make it extra special for her (and us)!!! How blessed are we, right???

New doctor ... new perspective

Since Michael and I were going to move back to LA at the end of the year, we decided to change our doctor so that we could deliver at Huntington Memorial Hospital. I found a great doctor, Eleanor Leung in Pasadena who had privileges at Huntington. She got great reviews and when we met her, I instantly loved her. She was kind of quirky -- she spoke like a flamboyant gay man with a southern twang. Kind of like she should be in Kung Fu Hustle or something like that =).

One thing she did say was she was worried about the size of my fibroid. She didn't think I could deliver naturally unless the fibroid shrunk or moved -- both she said was unlikely. She said fibroids feed on hormones ... and since I'm pregnant, I'm oozing with hormones meaning the fibroid would probably get bigger. She was pretty concerned with the placement of the fibroid too because it was in the way of a bikini cut c-section. Because it was right below my belly button, she said she would most likely have to do a classical incision -- meaning an ugly long vertical cut instead of a nice, small inconspicuous bikini cut =/ ... I told her I didn't really care as long as the baby was safe. I was always more of a tankini person anyway =)

Dr. Leung said it was a miracle that I was even able to conceive a baby with that fibroid being there. Even more miraculous was that the baby was able to fight through it and thrive in that kind of environment. She said Zoe was healthy and that she was a fighter and that she would make sure she would get out safely. One question that through me off was when she asked if we wanted more kids. Naturally, we said yes. She seemed a bit concerned by my answer and said she would do her best to preserve my uterus so that we could have more kids. She said there was a possibility that once they open me up, they may need to take the fibroid out and it may cause a lot of bleeding or they may have to remove my uterus completely. Tears came running down my cheeks (Michael also teared up) because I never thought that I would ever be in a position where I may not be able to have any more children. I guess I took for granted the fact that I was even able to have one child and I assumed that I could always have more than one if I wanted to ... but what if it wasn't part of God's plan for Zoe to have a brother or sister? It made me sad to think about it but it also made more all the more thankful that I was blessed to have ONE child. A fighter, she called her. Dr. Leung wanted us to see a perinatologist to get a second opinion on her recommended course of action. Although she came across as a little blunt, I did appreciate her being honest with me about how complicated my c-section was going to be. At UCLA, they completely downplayed the whole fibroid thing so I never really thought it was a big deal. Now I know it IS a big deal and that I need to be more careful with my body so as not to go into pre-term labor or anything like that. She said since my c-section was going to be a complicated one, she wanted to make sure she had only the best people with her in the operating room. She said she will also have either an oncologist or a perinatologist there to help her throughout the procedure so that she can make sure we have the best outcome: healthy baby, healthy mommy and uterus in tact for future babies.

Possible C-section? ...

We had another doctor's appointment today -- it was the 20-week full anatomical exam. The doctors made sure all the limbs were there, measured the bones, took a closer look at the heart, etc. etc. Everything seems normal -- Zoe is a big girl! She has long limbs!

The one thing they did find was that one of my fibroids grew a little bit and is now potentially blocking the baby's path to the vaginal canal. They will continue to monitor it to see if the baby is able to slide past it so that I can deliver naturally. If the fibroid is still blocking, I may have to have a C-section. I'm looking forward to having a natural delivery so hopefully we can go that route. I guess I'll just trust in God's plan!

Other than that, she is healthy and growing! Here's the latest ultrasound pictures.

It's a GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm going to have a MINI-ME!!!!!!!! When we went to the 4D center to find out the sex of the baby, I was almost certain she was going to say we were having a boy. For some reason, since I found out I was pregnant, I had a feeling that the baby was a little Mike Jr. When the lady said "GIRL" I was pleasantly surprised! I guess since I was sure we were having a boy, I didn't let myself think about how awesome it would be to have a girl ... how fun it would be to dress her up ... how I would have a new BFF ... how I could teach her all the things I learned growing up about being a female =). Of course she would be a tomboy like mommy =) ... Mike was also pretty excited to have a girl as our first born. While having a boy was something he'd always wanted, he figured God wanted him to have a girl first ... he said if he had a boy first, he would probably put too much pressure on him on variuos things. Plus, we had heard from several people that having a girl first is better becuase girls are more responsible when they grow up and will be the ones to take care of their siblings and US. He was just worried that this little girl would have him wrapped around his finger =).

On the way home we started brainstorming names ... we initially liked McKayla but Jeric had suggested the name "Zoe" ... he said it meant "life" in Greek. We instantly liked the name and Mike added "Grace" as the middle name to honor moi. The only thing left to decide was how to spell the name -- Zoe, Zoey, Zowee ...

So now I can call the baby a SHE or ZOE!!!!!! Soooooo aweseome! I can't wait to hold my baby girl!

Hibernation Hiatus

Sorry for the lack of posts lately! While I didn't have any morning sickness during my first trimester, I did have a major case of sleepyheadedness! I would literally go home from work and go straight to bed only to be woken up for dinner and then right back to sleep! I guess the baby is GROWING =) ... once my second trimester started, I began to feel less sleepy and ended up busying myself with house stuff and work stuff. Hence, this blog kind of took a back seat =/ ... Hopefully I get to posting again ... will try my best to squeeze it in here or there ...

Happy Birthday Daddy!

Michael (aka Daddy) turned 29 years old yesterday ... to celebrate, our families, along with our good buddies Monsignor Kevin and Father Francis, had dinner at Buca Di Beppo in Encino. It was a great evening and we were all very stuffed (me especially). It's always nice to be able to get together with our family and friends to honor a person's life ... sometimes, we take birthdays for granted. Most people downright hate them and only see it as a sign that they are another year older. However, your birth day is truly a special day that should be celebrated because it reminds you how blessed you are ... how much God loves you -- that He gifted you with a new day for the past 29 years!

First trimester visit

Our first trimester exam went really well today!! Since I am now 12 weeks, the doctor did the screening for down syndrome and other abnormalities. Based on the measurement of the amount of fluid in the back of the baby's head and neck, it looks like we are clear from any down-syndrome issues. They also took a blood test for any other abnormalities (i.e. cardiac, liver, etc.) which we will get the results of in about 2 weeks. Overall, the doctor said the baby looks perfectly healthy!

The best part of the whole day was when we got to see the ultrasound. The baby actually looks like a baby now!!! He/she was moving like crazy -- it looked like he/she was dancing some kind of water ballet ... the baby kept twisting around, moving his/her arms and kicking the feet!! The baby was sooo hyper already! I can't feel the movements yet because the baby is too small, but he/she is definitely moving and dancing around inside. He/she kept trying to kick his/her legs up in the air so he/she kept bouncing around! It was like he/she was putting on a show for us! It was so amazing to see all the movement (in retrospect, we should have videotaped it!!! ... Next time ...). The doctor said it's a good sign the baby is moving around so much. She said that the baby is finally discovering how to use his/her arms and legs so he/she is experimenting with movement!

I attached the latest ultrasound photos (one set is labeled and the other set is not). Our next appointment is in four weeks but we won't get to see the baby via an ultrasound again until I'm about about 18-22 weeks.

Thank you all for your continued prayers!!! God seems to be blessing this little one with a big helping of good health and curiosity!

Say CHEESE, part 2

Today was our follow-up appointment with the doctor. Both Mike and I were a little nervous because we wanted to make sure the baby was growing at the rate that he/she should be ...

All our fears subsided once we saw the ultrasound ... the baby really did get bigger in just one week! The little guy/girl almost doubled in size! No longer did he/she look like a piece of rice, but he/she started to take the shape of an actual baby =) ... the doctor said the heartbeat was 114 beats per minute!!! So amazing!!!! I still have no idea how something that tiny could have such a strong heartbeat (or a heartbeat in general, for that matter!).

The doctor confirmed that the baby was right on track and that I was 7 weeks. The due date is officially January 27, 2011! Our next appointment is in July ... can't wait to see the baby again!

Here's the 2nd photo:

My former baby graduates ...

My "former" baby, Jeric, graduated from high school today! I couldn't help but get all teary-eyed at the ceremony. I can't believe that I was 12 years old when he was born and me and Jay had to care for him as if he were our own baby! Time truly does fly and I am overflowing with pride and joy at this very moment. Jeric has turned out to be such a wonderful young man and has definitely impacted all of our lives for the better. When I saw him walking on the stage, accepting his diploma, I started visualizing my own baby's graduation day. Yes, we are very, very far from that moment, but I already know that proud I will be on that very day.

Life is a series of milestones ... of celebrations both grand and minute. It's a way to show that you are living a life here on Earth -- that you've made an impact or difference in some small shape or form. It's pretty amazing that each individual goes through these similar milestones -- that we are all so much more interconnected than we may think. We all have shared, common life experiences that shape and form our character. Celebrating the fact that you graduated high school is a big deal -- it's a testiment to 18 years of living, of loving, of making mistakes and getting back up, of learning and growing and evolving. It's the end of a chapter and the beginning of an only better and more exciting one. I'm so very proud of my brother Jeric and I know that he will continue to live his life to the fullest of his talent and potential. This baby is very blessed to have an uncle like that in his/her life!

Say CHEESE!

Today was the much anticipated first OB/GYN visit. It was the day that Mike and I would finally get to see the baby -- to get confirmation that there really is a little somebody in there.

I was pretty nervous (and excited) and I was so glad to have Mike there with me. They started with the usual -- blood pressure, urine, weight, etc. etc. It looks like I gained 5 pounds already! Then came the ultrasound ... I was expecting to have the kind of ultrasound you see in the movies -- you know, the one where they put warm gel on your belly and put the scanner looking thing on top. However, since the baby is far to small for that at this point, they had to use a probe like device. It was pretty scary (I'm not a fan of pap smears to begin with) ... it looked like a wand with a camera thing on the tip. So they put the probe inside of me and for some reason, the doctor can't see the baby. She tries to shine a light in there but still has trouble getting good visibility. I try not to worry at this point and try to remain calm. She said its probably the machine and decides to move me to the bigger one in the other room. So we get situated in the other room and voila! We finally got to see our baby for the first time!!! He/she looked like a piece of rice with a bubble on it. They later explained that the bubble is actually the "yolk sac" which is where the baby gets all his/her nutrients until the umbilical cord is formed through the placenta. The best part of the entire experience was getting to hear the baby's heart beat for the first time. Tears instantly filled my eyes as I tried to get my head around the miracle living and growing inside of me. It's hard to believe that something so tiny and fragile already has a heartbeat!

Afterwards, the doctor told us that she doesn't think I'm 8 weeks (that's the time frame based on the first day of my last period, April 7th). She said the baby is actually the size of an embryo that's 5-6 weeks. She said perhaps I ovulated later than normal last month and that explains why I'm actually only 5-6 weeks pregnant. Just in case, she wanted to have another ultrasound in one week to monitor the baby's growth. Our new due date is actualy January 27, 2011! She assured me that everything was fine and that she just wanted to take some extra precautions.

I couldn't wait to get to work so that I could email our family the baby's very first photo. It may not be much right now, but I'm already a proud mama. I have every faith in my heart that this baby will be healthy and strong ...

It's amazing how much love you can feel for someone who is just as tiny as a piece of rice. His/her heartbeat validates that he/she is in fact ALIVE and HUMAN and GOD'S CHILD. What an honor it is for me to be able to provide the baby with his/her first home ... to be a vessel of peace and love and warmth ... truly, I'm blessed beyond belief!

Baby is BLESSED!

Tonight, Michael and I had the wonderful opportunity to be guest speakers at the Cathedral's wedding orientation. We were asked by Msgr. Kevin and Father Francis to share with the newly engaged couples our love story -- our story of faith and God's role in our marriage. We were both very honored to be able to have the opportunity to spark some faith in the couples' who signed up to be married at the Cathedral. They were all very receptive to our message (we had to talk about how we met, why we chose to get married at a church and where God resides in our lives). All the couples were really nice and it was great to be able to re-experience those feelings of exitement, anxiety and overwhelmingness!

After everyone left, we shared the baby news with Msgr. Kevin. He was shocked but ecstatic for us. He said, "Hmmm ... I wonder where the baby will be baptized?!". He then put his hand on the baby and gave the baby his/her very first blessing!!! (Not too shabby -- the baby's first blessing was from a monsignor!!!). Cardinal Mahoney also gave us both a big hug and congratulated us. I shared with Msgr. Kevin that sometimes I feel quite of bit of anxiety and worry over the baby's health. He gave me the best advise ever -- he said any time I start to think those thoughts, I should start saying out loud (or to myself) " Thank you Jesus, for this healthy baby inside of me ... thank you for choosing me to be a mother ... " He said if I keep saying that over and over, my fears should subside. I was definitely more at peace after his special blessing and was ready for tomorrow's first pre-natal visit with our doctor.

Michael and I are extremely blessed to have such wonderful and supportive friends in Christ. We would be so lost without them! I thank God everyday for placing them in our lives ... they have truly enriched it tenfold!

Vegas, baby!

Vegas was so different this time around. For one, I spent most of my time in the room (good thing rooms at the Aria are awesome). The casinos were too smokey for the baby. I also ended up sleeping like at 10 PM most nights or napping mid-day. Again, all first for me.

The best part of Vegas was being able to tell not only my uncle and cousin who flew in from New York, but it was to finally share the news with my dad. His reaction was priceless! We were all in the room and Mike and Jay starting pouring drinks (skinny pirates) for everyone. As they raised their glasses for a toast, Mike said -- "Wait -- before we toast, we have to let you know what we're toasting about. " He then looked at me and I said, "Dad -- you're going to be a grandfather! I'm pregnant!" My dad was so surprised with the news that he almost spilled his drink. His legs went straight up in the air (he almost fell off the chair I think!) and his eyes instantly welled up with tears! He hugged me and confessed that he's been waiting for a long time now on his grandkid. He never mentioned it to me before, but apparently, he has been secretly hoping for us to get pregnant =) ... the rest of the weekend was spent with him pampering me and the baby -- making sure we were well fed and fully rested. The day after we told him the good news, he admitted to us that they couldn't sleep. He kept thinking about the baby. Jay even joked that we might name the kid "Teodoro Jr." or "TJ" for short!

The ride to and from Vegas wasn't too bad. We ended up having to stop a few times to pee, but otherwise, it was a great weekend with my family.

Daddy putting things into motion ...

I'm overjoyed with pride right now! Yesterday, my hubby was offered a new job!!! He has been interviewing for quite some time now trying to get a better paying job that will help us set up the life that we want for us and the baby. He's worked so hard to try to make things work for us and we're so blessed to be given this opportunity to make those things happen. Since we found out we were pregnant, we've been going crazy thinking about where we're going to live, which schools are ranked the best for our kids, etc. etc. I know that him getting offered this job (which pays significantly more than his current job) will help put his anxieties and worries at ease. It feels like God is literally lining up our dominos for us and everything seems to be falling into place.

I'm grateful to have such a responsible husband who wants nothing more than to be able to provide of his family. He truly deserves this new opportunity and I have no doubt that he will flourish in his new environment. God is truly GOOD!!!

Putting things into perspective

The other day, I got news from a very good friend that they're baby may not be as healthy as they had hoped. For some reason, the doctor couldn't see the baby very well during the ultrasound and he ordered a 4D ultrasound to make sure the baby is ok. She then had to give authorization for additional tests that would check if the baby had any cardiac disorders, down syndrome, or other abnormalities. I'm sure the doctor just wants to take some extra precautions, but it's still a very scary situation to have to go through. As a parent, all you want is for you child to be healthy. Suddenly, dreams of how handsome/beautiful he/she will be, how smart, how athletic, or how successful seems almost silly when you really put things into perspective. The creation and development of a human life is so extremely complicated that sometimes people take that for granted. They assume that no glitches will occur during the development process. People sometimes forget that they call it a "miracle" for a reason and miracles shouldn't be counted on happening 100% of the time.

While I have faith that God will provide for my friends (and even for us should we be put in a similar situation one day) and that His plan is the best plan, it' s still a scary process. It's definitely a test of one's faith ... to just leave it all to God ... to leave the health of your baby to God ... to trust that God has equipped you with the strength, with the heart and with the patience to raise a child with special needs. I'm trying my best to stay positive for both my friend and me and to just continue to pray, pray and pray for our babies' health and development. Prayer is a powerful, powerful thing and I know it's the best thing I can do right now.

We went to the Wednesday Novena at Holy Trinity tonight to say our extra prayers and to spend time before the Blessed Sacrament. It was nice to come back to that church to do our usual Wednesday thing (we havent' been back there for quite some time). I definitely felt more at peace about everything afterwords ...

It's funny how God works sometimes. Maybe He wants my friend (and me in a vicarious way) to go through this process of uncertainty so that we can always remember how much of a miracle the growing baby in our bellys truly are ... the are not just "normal" things that happen to everyone ... they are truly MIRACLES that we have been blessed with that should be constantly cherished and thanked for.

P.P. MONSTER

For some reason, I've had to pee the MOST TIMES today than the past days. I've literally have had to go to the restroom every 15 minutes!! Yes, I'm drinking more water, but not to the extent where I should be running to pee every 15 minutes. I'm starting to think my co-workers suspect I have diarrhea or something! Hahaha!

My mom cooked corned beef for me (actually, for the baby) today. She wants to make sure I'm eating well =) ... I had some for lunch and brought the rest home for Mike and Bryan (and me!). The funny thing is, for the FIRST TIME EVER, I didn't pick out the peas!!! Since I've been introduced to Filipino corned beef (which was probably around 1 years old) I've ALWAYS picked out the peas. Why??? Because peas SUCK. Sure they're decorative, but they don't really taste good (or maybe its the texture I don't like). Anyway, I've been extremely anti-pea for the longest time and today, when I ate the corned beef for lunch, I ate them ALL!!! I figure I should try to eat as many green things as I can for the baby. All it took was for that one mental adjustment, and all of a sudden, I'm all about peas!!! I was laughing at myself ... even Mike was shocked at dinner when he saw me eating the peas (he doesn't eat peas either!). I also ate a bowl of steamed broccoli and asparagus. Again, a first for me!! I NEVER eat vegetables that aren't in a salad. I've certainly have NEVER eaten a whole broccoli (I usually just eat the bits that break off in pasta that aren't worth removing). I heard it was good for you, so I took it down. And you know what? It was actually pretty good!!! Now I know why Jeric loves broccoli so much =) ...

I'm really proud of myself for making the conscious choice to get on the veggie train. I've said for years that once I get pregnant I'll definitely start eating my veggies, but of course, I wasn't always sure I'd listen to myself. I'm glad that every part of my (mind, body and soul) wants nothing more than for this baby to be as healthy and strong as possible and that I'm able to make adjustments and changes to my once stubborn appetite =)

Glowing?

So the most random thing happened at work today. The nurse paralegal at work came by to talk to me about work stuff when she suddenly cut herself off mid-sentence and asked, "Are you pregnant?? There's something different about you ... you look like you're glowing or something". I was pretty shocked when she said this because when I told my friend Bing (who is also a nurse) that I was pregnant, she said she noticed the last time she saw me that I looked different. She said there's a certain look to someone who's body is going through a major change in progesterone. She said most people wouldn't notice, but for medical professionals, it's pretty easy to detect. So when the nurse paralegal asked me point blank, I was pretty surprised. I have no idea how my face looked like, but all I could manage to say was, "Um ... no, I'm not. It's probably because I don't have a migraine today and since I had a migraine every day last week, I feel like a huge weight is lifted off my shoulders or errr. .. head." I'm not sure if she bought my story, but she just looked at me, smiled and dropped the subject altogether.
I spent the rest of the day grazing on the fruit, salad and protein rich snacks that my hubby packed for me. He said he's going to pack a snack bag for me every day to make sure the baby is eating well =) ... again, just another reason why I'm super blessed. I have the best.husband.ever!!!

Telling my family

Finally getting the chance to tell my family the good news felt WONDERFUL! It was so hard to keep the baby a secret the past three days! Initially, we were going to tell my mom, Jay, Jeric and Christian at the CPK fundraiser for the Cathedral. However, after mass, Mike pulled me aside and suggested that we tell them in front of the Virgin Mary (it's the spot we always visit and pray after each mass). He thought it would be fitting to tell her before the Blessed Mother. Penticost mass was great -- to hear about the holy spirit being a part of our everyday lives was a great reminder on an additional source of inspiration and guidance we can turn to aside from Jesus and His Mother.
So after we all finished praying, I gathered them all around me by talking about the logistics on where to have lunch. After that was squared away, I then said, "Mike and I also wanted to let everyone know that WE'RE PREGNANT!!!!" The happiness on my mom's face was amazing and she quickly hugged me and started crying. I, of course, followed suit ... and then Jay started crying!!! It was overwhelming to feel how happy they all were for us ... this baby of ours is one lucky person to be part of such a loving and supportive family.
We then told them the whole story -- about our generic brand pregnancy test mishap to how difficult it's been to hide it from everyone. We were all overjoyed and couldn't stop talking about how blessed we are. My mom made sure to remind me how lucky Mike and I were that we were able to conceive relatively easily. A lot of couples don't have that luxury.
Lunch at CPK was filled with questions about what the baby might possibly look like ... what names would be nice ... etc, etc. They made sure to feed me like crazy (salad, pizza, etc.) and at the end of the meal, Jay asked, "So -- do you want a milkshake???"
I went to bed that night more at peace and more complete that my family now knew about the baby. I can't wait to tell my dad, Tito Ton and JP this coming Memorial weekend and then Tita Bot, Tito Charlie when they get back from Vancouver!

White lies at the wedding ...

I finally found a suitable dress to wear at the wedding (along with some other dresses that I can wear to work; for some reason, I'm very anti-pants right now thanks to the bloating!).

The wedding was beautiful -- very emotional and the bride & groom are perfect for each other. Then came time for the reception ... the reception led to a series of white lies for Mike and I. It was harder to keep our secret under wraps at the wedding than it was at the rehearsal dinner.

1. There was an open bar. I kept trying to site my migraine medication for why I couldn't partake in the mojitos everyone seemed to be having, but I was sensing they were starting to doubt my excuse =)

2. I ordered a steak. Initially, I told Mike that pregnant women couldn't eat medium-rare meat (it's the only way I eat steaks/burgers). I guess he misinterpreted that as "pregnant women can't eat red meat" in general. So when I stepped away from the table to pee (again) and the server brought us our 2 steaks, Mike immediately said, "My wife ordered chicken, not steak." His friend Sevan ordered chicken and suggested that he can switch with me instead. I guess Mike told them that I wasn't much of a meat eater, so that switching would be a good idea. When I got back to the table and saw the chicken I said, "Oh -- I ordered steak" Mike kept saying, "Are you sure? I don't think you did. YOu got the chicken." To which I said, "No -- I never order chicken. I always order steak" (I really wanted the steak at this point and I noticed that it was cooked well, not medium rare so I knew I could eat it). So Sevan asked if I wanted to switch and I said, "Sure! Thanks -- I'm totally a meat eater!" Sevan's wife looked surprised and said, "That's funny! Mike just told us you totally weren't a meat eater!" Both Mike and I blushed, laughed it off and said nothing. Hahahaha ... we totally suck at this lying thing!!

3. Dancing. People who know Mike and I know that we love to dance. So when people told us to get on the dance floor and shake it, it was odd that Mike and I only did a very sublte two-step. It was the most restrained dancing ever!! I don't even think we were dancing to the beat anymore. We were just kind of dancing side-to-side in slow motion! Hahaha ... we were laughing at how funny we must have looked. To make it worse, the entire wedding party started to do Irish clogging -- which is like river dancing aka jumping up and down -- and Mike and I couldn't participate! I ended up doing this lame "can-can" thing with my leg with no hop or jump to it and decided to call it a day and just head home.

There was a point in the evening when we were kind of tired of being so secretive (it's so hard to keep such wonderful news under wraps!!) and Mike wanted to just announce to the table that we were pregnant. However, again, we didn't want to take away from Mike and Christine's wedding, so we opted to keep mum about it for a little longer.

Before we went to sleep that night, Mike put his ear to my stomach and swore he heard a "swish" noise ... he said it was like a fish tank!!! I can't wait to tell my family about the baby tomorrow at church! It's been so hard keeping this from them!

Week 6 Symptoms ...

Here's more good info from Whattoexpect.com:

Week 6 Pregnancy Symptoms
Frequent urination: You’re eating for two and peeing for two these days, thanks to your kidneys, which are getting more efficient about ridding your body of waste (yours and your growing baby-to-be’s). You can blame your uterus too, which is putting pressure on your bladder now. To make sure you empty it all out (and save yourself another trip to the bathroom in ten minutes), lean forward when you pee. Then, when you think you’re done, pee again. (Might as well try — you’re there anyway!)

Fatigue: Building that baby (and the life support your growing fetus needs) is hard work, so it’s no wonder you feel exhausted. Listen to your body — if it’s screaming at you to take a break, then take five! But do fit in some exercise: Take a walk or a yoga class; the endorphins you release will lift your mood and help you sleep better. Just don’t overdo!

Breast tenderness and changes: No, it’s not your imagination — your nipples are sticking out more than usual. They may be tender too (so definitely warn your partner about what feels good to the touch and what doesn’t). Why the luscious look these days? All the better to see you with, my dear! Your body is gearing up to breastfeed, and the darker areolas (the skin around the nipples) turn your nipples into a bull’s-eye for your newborn, whose eyesight at birth won’t be very good.

Nausea and vomiting: Whether you are experiencing slight queasiness or hurling breakfast, lunch, or dinner (or all three), look on the bright side. (Though admittedly it’s hard to look at the bright side when your view is the porcelain goddess!) Women who experience some nausea are significantly less likely to miscarry than those who don’t. Combat queasiness by eating small snacks that combine protein and complex carbs — cheese and multigrain crackers, yogurt and granola, whatever your stomach can stomach.

Heartburn and indigestion: Here’s the not-so-great news — the chances of getting through the next nine months heartburn-free are nearly zero. That’s because the muscle at the top of the stomach that usually prevents digestive juices from backing up relaxes. But here's better news: you can minimize the symptoms if you don't rush through your meals and avoid clothes that constrict your belly.

Bloating: Blame the progesterone that’s coursing through your body as you read this —this delightful hormone is essential for maintaining a healthy pregnancy, but it also is responsible for your puff mommy-to-be look. Eat lots of fiber and drink plenty of water to avoid getting constipated, which can aggravate bloating.

Increased sense of smell: Now that you’re pregnant, you’ve got a bloodhound’s keen nose. You can smell your coworker’s lunch from across the room, the cologne your office-mate is wearing, and someone’s dirty sneakers (all at the same time!). What’s the deal with your supersensitive sniffer? Blame your hormones again. If your nose is making the queasies worse, surround yourself with some scents that may make you feel better (if there are any). Some to try: mint, ginger, and lemon.


** I know I'm definitely feeling the bloating, breast tenderness, frequent urination and increased sense of smell. We'll see how quickly the other ones follow!!

Wardrobe malfunction!

Today is my first day back to work since we found out the "news" ... It was casual Friday, so I was glad I would get to wear my jeans to work. Little did I know that my jeans would be a little too snug already!!! It's not that I've gained that much weight, it's just that I feel extremely bloated. Like a baby that needs to be burped or something ... so it's causing my jeans to not fit properly. I was trying to rock them unbuttoned all day, but it was a little obvious with my blouse =/ ... I also still have a horrible migraine (going on day 5 now) and I can't take anything for it anymore, so I guess I'll just have to tough it out for baby =) ...

I find myself talking alot to the baby ... as I stepped out of the elevator this morning, I said, "Ok baby -- we're at work now. Hope we have a good day today!". It's kind of weird to refer to "me" as a "we" but I must say it has a nice ring to it.

I started work early today so that I can leave at 4:30 to attend Mike and Christine's wedding rehearsal dinner in Westlake Village. I couldn't wait for 4:30 to come because my head was driving me crazy. I ended up telling my closest co-worker Toni the good news. She cried!!! I was going to keep it a secret until at least 3 months, but I needed an ally here at work to help me out. I'm really glad I told her becuase it was nice to have someone who knew. She was so happy for me and Mike and kept making sure I was drinking my water and eating the right food.

4:30 finally came and Mike picked me up with his friend Sevan. I ended up napping most of the way becuase my head felt like it was going to explode. The rehearsal dinner was great and it was the first time I couldn't have wine/alcohol. His friends kept wondering why and I used my migraine medication as a reason for not having any wine. Initially, Mike was about to pour me a glass until her remembered last minute that I couldn't have any =) ...

Mike stayed over to be there early for the groom the next day so I ended up driving home solo. When I got home, I started to try on some dresses for the wedding. To my surprise and dismay, none of them fit!!! Again, the bloating was causing clothes not to cooperate =/ ... I couldn't go to the wedding naked, so I told myself I'd have to look for something Saturday morning.

I went to bed that night for the first time not feeling alone. Usually, when Mike is out of town, it takes me a while to fall asleep becuase I feel alone and I start thinking about all kinds of stuff. Tonite however, I felt completely at peace ... I really felt like there were two of us on that bed and it was a wonderful feeling. It just reminded me again that I will be forever connected to Mike and this child of ours. Suddenly, the headache and the bloating didn't seem to matter anymore. I had someone growing inside of me and I was willing to go through anything to make sure baby grows and develops and is always wrapped in my love.

Babyface

I've been looking through various websites, and according to them, this is what's going on inside my body this week:

Week 6 of Pregnancy
Your baby's face is taking shape, which is something sweet to think about as you race to the toilet to pee yet again.
Your Baby in Week 6 of Pregnancy
You might be coping with full-blown pregnancy symptoms (sorry), but there's plenty of good news too. Your baby's jaw, cheeks, chin, eyes, ears, and nose are beginning to form what will eventually become one adorable face. In addition, her kidneys, liver, and lungs are developing, and her heart is now beating 80 times a minute (and getting faster every day). All this and she's still no bigger than the length of a nail head (about a quarter of an inch) from crown to rump!

Your Body in Week 6 of Pregnancy
Your body may not yet have changed on the outside, but there's a lot happening on the inside. For one thing, the pregnancy hormone hCG is causing an increase of blood flow to your pelvic area, and your kidneys are becoming more efficient at ridding your body of waste; add to that the fact that your growing uterus is beginning to push down on your bladder and you've got a perfect (pee) storm. What else is going on in there? Bloating, queasiness, and cravings (or food aversions).

Bee is for BABY!!!

6 weeks ....
It's hard to describe the feeling that takes over once you get news that your entire life has changed in that single moment ... to describe the feeling of hearing that you are no longer living for yourself both physically and metaphorically ... to describe the feeling of realizing that a REAL MIRACLE has taken place in your OWN little body ... that God has actually deemed you special enough, strong enough, worthy enough of caring for someone else's life on earth and the thereafter ... Words seem so juvenile ... so incredibly unworthy to even begin to describe a tiny iota of the bliss and joy and fear and gratitude and weakness and strength and overwhelmingness that succombs not only your body, but your soul. And while words certainly don't do any of what I'm going through right now any kind of justice, I figure I'd at least make a feeble attempt to document this special moment in my life. So ... here it goes ...
To be perfectly honest, I was almost 100% sure that the doctor would tell me I wasn't pregnant. Until, of course, she said that I was, in fact, PREGNANT!!!

Background: I was supposed to get my period on May 6 or 7th ... right before our trip to Cancun to celebrate our 2nd year anniversary. May 6th rolled by ... and I thought, "I guess I'm starting on the 7th then and will end up still on my period in Cancun for a couple of days ...". May 7th came and went and still no visit from Aunt Flo. I started worrying a little bit because 1) I'm not usually more than 1 day late and 2) I was afraid I wouldn't be able to take advantage of the "margaritas" and other alcoholic beverages that came with our all-inclusive package. Not that I'm a drunk or anything, but I was looking forward to un-winding from a very stressful last few months of work by sipping on a pina colada beachside =) ...

I decided to tell the hubby that we should get a pregnancy test just in case. I wanted peace of mind either way. So we go to Walgreens and end up getting the "Walgreens" brand since it's on sale and it comes with a bonus test =) ...

I didn't realize I'd be so nervous when I was awaiting the results, but I really was! All these thoughts about how much our lives would change (in a good way, of course ... but very, very different!) came in a flurry. After the longest 3 minutes ever, I asked the hubby to check the results. The magic stick said "Not Pregnant". So pina coladas were now back on the agenda and I assumed I'd end up getting my period sometime during our one-week stay in Cancun.

Three days and quite a few pina coladas / mango daquiris / mango margaritas (in retrospect, I'm so glad that the hotel bartender skimped on the alcohol on all of my drinks ... I didn't even taste any nor did I feel buzzed/drunk at any point in time -- phew!!) and still no sign of Aunt Flo, I decided to take another test. Again, "Not Pregnant" flashed on the screen. I figured I must have synched up with my co-worker's schedule. She wasn't due until the end of the month.

14 days after my period was supposed to start, I started feel ling a little antsy about the whole thing. I wanted to get more tests (from Costco this time ... buy brand name in bulk and not the generic version) but the hubby convinced me that it would be more cost effective if I just went to the doctor instead of buy a bunch of tests and end up going to the doctor to get final confirmation anyway. So I made an appointment on Wednesday to come in on Thursday (plus, I had a terrible migraine that was bothering me since Monday so I figured I'd get that checked out as well) ...

I met with Dr. Yeung on Thursday morning ... she had me pee in a cup, came back, and had the most poker face face I've ever seen. No emotion at all; it was so hard to read her. I concluded that since she didn't burst in the door yelling "congratulations" that it was probably another negative result. She asked me if I had taken a home pregnancy test first and I told her I had taken 2 actually, and both said "Not Pregnant". Dr. Yeung paused for a moment and said, "Really? Because ours said POSITIVE!!!" It took me a couple of seconds to understand that POSITIVE = PREGNANT ... I looked at her and yelled, "What???!!!! Really!!!! Shut up!" I started breathing pretty hard and kept asking her, "Really??? Really???" She kept nodding and nodding and congratulating me. I asked her why I got 2 negative results ... she said I either tested too early or the tests I took were defective (damn Walgreens brand!!!). I mentioned the light drinking that occurred in Cancun and she assured me that everything would be ok.

She said I was 6 weeks along ... and that the baby would be due on January 11, 2011!!! 1/11/11!!!! I was beyond shocked ... me? 6 weeks pregnant??? There was an actual "somebody" growing in me???? Dr. Yeung snapped me out of my stupor and handed me names of OB/GYNs that she recommended. She advised to continue taking the prenatal vitamins we discussed (when I first mentioned to Dr. Yeung that we were open to having a baby this year, she suggested I start taking prenatal vitamins so that when I did get pregnant, the baby would have a nice and healthy "home") and to make an appointment with an OB.
I left that office bursting to tell Mike the good news ... before I could blurt anything out, I saw him with a friend of his from the gym. They were just chit-chatting so I had to play it cool for a few minutes. When the guy finally left, Mike hopped into the car, looked at me attentively and said, "Well? ...." I looked at him, smiled and said, "Looks like you're gonna be a DADDY!!!" He let a quick breath escape and said, "I knew it!!! I knew there was a bun in that oven!!" and hugged and kissed me saying he was so happy ...

The next few minutes were filled with mostly silence. I think we were both shocked and the fact that we were going to be someone's mom and did hadn't fully set in yet ... we just sat there in the car for a few more minutes taking it all in. After we gathered our composure and I told my work that I wouldn't be coming in (how efficient could I possibly be with this kind of news!?!), Mike said, "Let's go home!!! I am going to make you and baby the biggest and best brunch ever!"
Sure enough, we got home and he whipped out a cheese and sour cream omelet (extra points for the sour cream!), bacon and extra fluffy pancakes. He didn't want me to do anything but relax and get ready to eat. It was so cute watching him buzzing around the kitchen trying to put stuff together for me and the baby. He was so excited to feed us =) ...

The food came out great and we got to talking about whether or not we were going to tell people right away. I told him I couldn't not tell our family and close friends ... that I know most people choose to wait after 3 months (when the chance of miscarriage greatly decreases) but that I would rather have people start praying for the baby as soon as possible instead of waiting for weeks and weeks ... so Mike sent out an email to our family members inviting them to Pentecost mass followed by lunch afterwards. We figured we would tell everyone at the same time. Unfortunately, we forgot that both his parents and Tita Bot and Tito Charlie would be going out of town that weekend. So we figured we'd tell his parents that evening (on our way to our friend's birthday celebration and we'd tell my family on Sunday.

As we arrived at his parent's place in Woodland Hills later that day, we were both excited and nervous. We talked at length about Mike's career plans ... after about 20 minutes or so of "stalling" Mike turned to me and said, "Oh -- we also wanted to tell you guys something .... ". I froze, put my salad fork down, looked at them and said, "Looks like you guys are going to be grandparents!!!" Again, silence. It took them a while to realize what I just announced and his mom looked at me and said "Does that mean you're pregnant???!!!" "Yup!!" I said. Isabelle said, "That's sooo cool!" and Dad said, "Congratulations!!".

It was great to finally tell some of our family the good news. I made them promise not to call my mom since she would find out on Sunday. Mike's mom vowed to keep it a secret but asked if it was ok to at least tell her sisters about it. Dad cracked a joke and said, "Don't worry -- she'll tell everyone not to tell anyone!" We also reminded them no Facebook posts!! Hahaha ...
We then went to our friend's place for a birthday celebration and we were so very tempted to spill the beans, but we didn't want to take away from her special day =). I saw Mike playing with their almost-2-year-old son Noah and I could tell how excited Mike was that one day soon, he'll finally get to have a little guy or girl to play with ...

We ended the evening just reveling in the good news we received that day. From the car ride home to the last moments before sleep fell upon us, all we kept thinking and talking about was our special little blessing growing inside. Mike kept his hand on my stomach for a very long time as we envisioned our new life with the baby =) ...

It's amazing how God works. Just this past April at Nights of Discipleship, I was talking about the "fear" I have sometimes of being a parent and being a vessel for the baby for nine months ... I told my faith-sharing group that while I was afraid, I knew I just had to continue to pray about it and trust that the Lord knows what' He's doing with our life. If He thinks it's time, it will be time. I'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact that the Lord has blessed Michael and I with a human life to nurture, to love, to teach ... what an honor He has bestowed upon us. While I still have some jitters and nerves floating around, I know that I have to trust and let God's miracle inside of me to change me as a woman, as a person. I've thought about this day for a long time and words escape me right now as to how extremely blessed and happy I am that I've been given this beautiful opportunity to be a mother.

I'm hoping I can continue to document the next nine months and even after the birth so that I can fully capture and share this wonderful time in Michael and mine's lives.
Thank you, Lord, for this amazing blessing. I have no doubt that Michael will be the best father and I know I will try with everything I have to be the kind of mother this little baby deserves!