The following is a list of what I told her ... sorry I had to cut-and-paste the first four (I needed to save time before Zoe wakes up from her nap). For those of you who are pregnant, just replace "Phoebe" with whatever your baby's name will be and "Dennis" for your husband/partner's name ...
- Be patient with yourself. You will get to know Phoebe more and more every day ... you will know her better than anyone else. But you have to be patient with that. It takes time to figure out the beautiful miracle God has blessed you with. There will be times were you feel like you have no idea what the heck you're doing and there will be other times where you will know exactly what to do to make her feel better or just your mere presence alone will bring comfort to her. There are tons of baby books and blogs and advice from women who have gone through it already (like me) but in the end, only you will know exactly how to care for your child. Just trust yourself enough to know that you are already and always have been a good mom. After a few weeks with baby, you will figure out a routine that works best for you and Phoebe. And once that routine is established, it's smoother sailing from there. You will figure out when you should take a shower (I take mine while she has her bottle or during her nap), when you should do the laundry, when you should clean the house, etc. etc.
- Yes, having a baby will change your lives -- but in the BEST way possible!!! You and Dennis can still do what you did before ... all it takes is a little more prep time. Part of that prep time is making sure you have a fully stocked baby bag. Me and Mike are away from the house for long periods of time so I always make sure there are plenty of bottles (with enough powdered formula) lots of bibs, burp cloths, extra change of clothes, plastic bag for her poopie diaper or poopie/pukey clothes (hahaaha), etc. It also helps to have baby stuff at your parents place so that you won't have to keep lugging around so many diapers, wipes, etc. etc. I don't think Mike has ever packed a baby bag since I prefer to do it myself to make sure I have EVERYTHING I need =) ... I know Bing is just the opposite. Joe packs the baby bag ... so I have no idea what you and Dennis' thing will be =)
- You will GROW. It's amazing what motherhood does to a woman. Once a baby arrives, your capacity to love and your energy and strength level will grow tremendously. Yes, Dennis will be an amazing father to Phoebe ... but you will have to take care of both the baby and your husband. Thus, God somehow lets you tap into your superpowers and you will be able to not only care for your baby, but also run your household. You will somehow be able to take care of both of them and yourself and still manage to keep yourself together =). It's the most fulfilling thing to be able to care for my entire family and still manage to be "me". And yes, you and Dennis will "co-parent" Phee, but ultimately, you will be the team captain (it's an honor, actually, and is also a big responsibility). Dennis will still rely on you to know what to do when it comes to the baby. You will always be the one more willing to change her diaper, give her a bath, rock her for hours on end if you have to just so she can sleep soundly ... it doesn't mean he's a bad father or he doesn't love Phoebe ... I think it's just different. Moms know no end or boundaries when it comes to their child. Like I could literally rock Zoe for an hour or more and not feel too tired or feel like quitting, whereas Mike will more easily be the one to say, "can we switch off? my arms are killing me!" I don't know if that makes sense, but it's just something I observed between me and Mike and I also confirmed the same was true in other relationships. Who knows -- maybe Dennis will be the ironman of fathers and will totally put what I'm telling you to shame. Lol. But yes, I do think more is expected of mothers -- we have to care of our children, run the house, make sure our husbands are taken care of and still be able to do other things we want to do like hang out with friends or get a pedicure. It's not a bad thing. Like I said, I find it to be incredibly fulfilling and I think you will, too (you and I tend to have the same outlook on things). Besides, fathers have their own new role and pressure in having to provide for their growing family. That's not easy, either. It's just everyone has their own roles to play in life and I firmly believe that's how God intended it to be ... that's why He gifted us women with super human strength =)
- Don't be afraid to leave your baby with family so you and Dennis can go out on a date or hang out with friends. This may not be possible or easy when she's really young, but whenever you guys do feel comfortable to leave her with your mom or his mom, please do so! It's good for them and it's good for you guys. Just make sure you are clear with how you want them to take care of her (i.e. feed her only every 2 hours and not every 5 minutes, don't wait until her diaper is dragging on the floor to change her, don't use baby powder, etc. etc.). It's important that you and Dennis take care of your relationship, too. Trust me, it's VERY easy to make it all about the baby. Mike and I fell into this rut without even realizing it (it totally snuck up on us!) ... it's extremely easy to make it all about the baby and it may take a little more effort than usual to remember it's about the husband and wife, too =)
- You will learn very early what your baby's normal body temperature is. A LOT of people (especially your parents, in-laws or any older woman in your family) will mention to you "Don't you think she's cold?" "Do you have a jacket for her?" "She might be cold, don't you think?". I know Zoe actually runs warm and sweats very easily so I learned early on that she doesn't require ten layers to stay toasty. Sometimes it can get a little annoying when someone is insisting that your child is cold when you know for sure she is not. While a simple "No, I think she's ok" sometimes works, other times, it's just easier to put a blanket or a sweater on your baby to appease them =). Just remember they are coming from a place of concern, and not criticism =).
- Your husband (or any one else taking care of your child) will never run fast enough to calm your crying baby. A friend of mine told me this while I was pregnant and I didn't fully understand what she meant until I had Zoe. For me, whenever Zoe would cry, I would run at lightning speed to appease and comfort her. I never walked; I always ran like the wind whenever the slightest whimper came out (good thing she wasn't a crying baby!). There were times where Mike was closer or it made more sense for him to tend to her where he walked and didn't run and it kind of irked me. Even my body would internally react when I heard Zoe cry -- like i would feel this strange pang simultaneously in my stomach and the back of my head (or maybe that's what it feels like when someone/something yanks at your heart strings?!) I didn't want to say "hurry the eff up!!!" because I remembered what my friend told me. It made me just put things into perspective. I chalked it up to being a "mom thing" in wanting to comfort your child STAT. It's not that Mike was even taking his sweet time to get to Zoe and he let her cry for hours on end; he was just a few seconds slower than I would have liked ... that's all. I know it sounds weird, but it's true. It's a mom thing.
- Boys aren't the only ones who can pee upwards like a water fountain. There were a few times when Zoe was peeing so hard as I removed her diaper that she peed vertically like a boy!!! I thought for sure girls were not capable of this and the only thing I had to worry about was her peeing down as I changed her diaper instead of in my face. I guess I was wrong =).
Again, these are just a few things that I learned these past 9 months. I have no idea if other women go through the same thing or not, but I know it's helpful to hear about others' experiences so that you can maintain perspective as you go through you own mommy adventure =)
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