The pre-op procedure consisted of getting all my IV's in and monitoring the baby. I actually had a number of contractions while at the hospital so it was good that we were there to have the baby =). I could tell Michael was pretty nervous (and probably worried) about the surgery. He was afraid the doctors might puncture the fibroid and cause too much bleeding ... as much as he tried not to say or think it, he was afraid of the possibility of losing me in the process of gaining Zoe. I was secretly afraid of that too, but I kept dispelling those fear with faith. I know I wasn't ready to leave my newly formed family so soon and I trusted that God would make sure I would be safe.
As an extra precaution, the anesthesiologist, Dr. Lau, wanted to have easy access to my veins should a blood transfusion be necessary. In order to make that happen, he had to insert a 14 gauge IV into my left hand -- that's thing was HUGE. All the nurses were saying that was the biggest one they had ever seen and it was so big that it was pulling my skin up! Both Michael and the doctor were impressed at how well I handled all the pricks and needles. I guess at that point, I was willing to go through anything to be able to see my baby girl. The scariest part was probably the epidural -- it was more painful than I had anticipated and it was the only time Michael wasn't allowed to be by my side. The nurses separated us as I was wheeled into the operating room and wouldn't let Michael come back until after the epidural was done. It was a strange feeling to be in an operating room ... all the episodes of Grey's Anatomy I watched still didn't prepare me. It was cold and had lots of machines beeping and buzzing around. I could tell the OR nurses went business and worked diligently to make sure everything was perfect and ready for Dr. Leung. They even asked me what kind of music I preferred (I guess they do listen to music ... just like Nip/Tuck!). I told them I didn't really care as long as it wasn't death metal. I figured that kind of music would do the opposite of calming me. Once the epidural was injected, Michael walked in the room. I was so happy to see him (even though we were only apart for 10 minutes) and I could tell he was pretty nervous. I gave him the flip cam and asked him to take video of the room before the procedure. He asked me what he could do to help me during the surgery and I told him to just always remind me that we will get to see Zoe very soon.
At this point, I was pretty numb and the doctors walked in. Dr. Leung was her usualy bubbly self and assured me everything would be ok. She actually was able to get a specialist to help her during the procedure. Becuase of the size of the fibroid, she wanted an oncologist on hand to assist her. She was able to find Dr. Schlaereth, who was a rock star of a doctor because he was an oncologist who specialized in OB-GYN procedures. All the nurses were impressed with his credentials (I guess he was a rare breed) and that helped put me at ease. Thanks to him, Dr. Leung was able to make just one vertical cut instead of two (she was initially thinking she had to cut both my skin and my uterus vertically). He was able to help her do a vertical cut on the outside and a horizontal cut on the inside while not puncturing the fibroid. I couldn't really feel much as they were cutting me open ... just a slight sensation of being "unzippered" if that makes any sense. Being awake during surgery is a weird thing ... I could hear all the noises and fluids and even the doctors' conversations. It was funny to hear them talk about their weekend plans (Dr. Leung apparently just came back from San Francisco and was raving about the chocolate at Ghiredelli Square). I guess for them, it was a normal work environment and they were doing their usual water cooler talk. When Zoe was being pulled out, I could feel a lot of pressure and was anxious to hear her first cry. I think Michael peeped over the curtain and said "She's almost out!!!" And then .... I heard her little whimper. It wasn't a loud cry (she's not much of a crier) but it was distinct enough for me to know my baby had entered the world.
As they took the baby to get cleaned, I told Michael to go over there and take video since I didn't want to miss anything. He was reluctant at first to leave my side but was also excited to see his little girl. As soon as she was cleaned up and her vitals were checked, they brought her over to my face so I could take a look. She was so beautiful!!! She had big cheeks, very alert eyes, lots of hair and the cutest red lips I had ever seen. It's hard to describe the amount of happiness and gratitude I felt in that moment, but suffice to say I was beaming with joy and was soooooo extremely thankful that I was a mother and that my Zoe was healthy and here with us! Our family was now THREE!!! Zoe Grace Sudjati was born at exactly 6:07 pm and was 7 pounds 2 ounces and 19.5 inches in length.
After I was cleared from the OR and wheeled into my room, I was greeted by my family who all raved at how beautiful and healthy Zoe was. She passed her APGAR tests at 9/10 so she really was a healthy baby girl. Although I was pretty tired and nauseous from the anesthesia, I was soooo excited and happy and couldn't wait to see Zoe again. After they gave her a bath and monitored her vitals, they wheeled her into our room around 10 pm that evening. My family had all gone home and it was just me and Michael there with her. I decided now would be a good time to try out this breastfeeding thing and to my surprise, Zoe latched on and started drinking away!!!! I was so nervous for this moment and she completely put my fears at ease by taking it up like a pro =). After her dinner, Daddy had the opportunity to change her diaper for the first time (it was a poopy one too!). Since I couldn't quite sit up or get up yet, he had to do it and had quite the adventure for his first time. I don't know how many wipes he went through but it looked like he was having a hard time ... it was the cutest thing ever!!! The rest of our night consisted of being woken up not by Zoe, but by the nurses checking up on my vitals. I could tell we had a good baby on our hands because she was hardly crying. She seemed pretty mellow (like ME) and was just contented with being on the outside =). She had a little bit of jaundice so the doctor made us give her supplemental milk so that she could pee and poop more to get rid of the jaundice. So I was a little bummed that my milk wasn't enough ... hopefully it won't cause any confusion on Zoe's part once I try to breastfeed her again.
Even though I didn't get much rest that night, I was so at peace. The day we had been waiting for was finally here and I couldn't have asked for a better outcome. The Lord blessed us with such an angel ... she is everything ... now Michael and I had the opportunity to be part of this little girl's life ... to be able to teach her the things we learned growing up and to watch her grace this world with her beautiful presence. I had no idea parenthood felt so good and I could definitely feel my heart doubling in size. The amount of love I had already for this little person was phenomenal and I could only imagine how much more I'll grow and redefine my definition of LOVE as we walk this journey together.
Thank you so much Lord for such an amazing blessing ... thank you for entrusting us with one of your angels, Zoe Grace.
Here's a link to the video coverage of Zoe's birthday:
Part One:
Part Two:
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